Mindfulness as Foreplay

Stress and worries pull our minds away from the present, no matter what we are doing. Yes, this includes during even the most intimate of times.  Whereas sex is supposed to bring you closer with your partner, distracted sex may make you feel even more distant from your partner. The cortisol hormone from stress is working against us.


The good news is there is a way to help you tune out your worries and become more connected to your and your partner’s body.  Meditation has been scientifically proven to make sex more enjoyable and intimate. Here are some tips to re-ignite the fire, several of which might force you out of your comfort zone to try something new, which is generally not a bad thing when it comes to bedroom antics. Enjoy!


By yourself, in preparation:


  • Breath Meditation for Focus & Energy. This is a segmented breath, and hopefully easy to remember. Eight sniffs in through the nose, four sniffs out through the nose. Try it for three minutes!
  • Stimulate the Fifth Chakra. Yogis say that the throat area chakra helps balance our sensuality, sexuality and communication. Just think of the “tingles” you get from kissing, necking, and even moaning.
    • Hummmm. Close the eyes, and focus on the vibrations on the lips, mouth and throat. Keep humming, allowing the fifth chakra to relax.
    • Next move onto Aaaahh. Continue to make long moaning “aaah” sound. Feel vibrations in the jaw and throat.
  • The Power of Projection. Visualise who you want to be on this date night and project it out into the universe. A strong aura of confidence can be definitely be sensed!


A new take on foreplay with your partner:


  • Pillow Talk. From your hearts, take turns sharing five things that you are grateful for in each other. Let your partner finish their list before your turn. Remember to face your partner and stare deep into each other’s eyes.
  • Partner Breathing. Take turns feeling and listening to your partner breathe. Ask your partner to lie down and feel five breaths with your palms in these locations:
    • Chest. Gently observe the heart lifting and opening.
    • Belly. Feel the belly expand on the inhale, and slowly deflate on the exhale.
    • Side of ribs. Tune into the horizontal expansion.
    • Back of head. So subtle, but beautiful.
  • The Beauty of Poetry. Experience the romance of words that are centuries old to change the mood. At the moment, Rumi and Rainer Maria Rilke poems are melting my heart!


Yes, many of these exercises might be some of the last things that you think that you would think of before sex, but give it a try and see how much more engaging the entire experience can be! As Shakespeare brilliantly put it in Much Ado About Nothing, “I will live in thy heart, die in thy lap, and be buried in thy eyes.”


Happy Valentine’s Day!

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